I've been wanting to write a bit about the funeral we were at just before rounds. It's not the 1st for me here, but the most memorable so far.
We learned of our friend's death (V) Weds am an hour after she died. By noon, I was miraculously packed and out the door- it was the day after New Year's, though, so very hard to get tickets on anything. Got a train, finally, and left that night. Bill and A met my train and we headed for the village. It was bitterly cold- which was a mercy in this sense: the week before in the muck and mud was a nightmare- but there was no mud left now, believe me! Sharon W met us out there. Fun'l was to be Fri, Jan 4.
Several neighbor ladies were helping M (V's dau) prepare food for the post-fun'l meal when we arrived, so we did, too. Chopped for salads, ground meat for 'cotlettes' (you could say meat balls, I guess), did beets for borsch, peeled potatoes and met more onions than I cared to be acquainted with. Noticed right away that all reflective surfaces were covered with cloth (this has something to do with making the spirit of the dead feel unwelcome to hang around- keep in mind that only V had cast her lot in with us).
The next am, back we went to the house and helped with the last of the food prep. Otherwise, no one seemed to know just what all to do, as far as traditions go- but they kept remembering things so would quick get it done- like suddenly they got a plate with bread on it and a salt cellar of salt and put them on a fresh linen dresser scarf by the body. There were also several pencil-thin candles burning there- but one of these tipped over and burned a hole in the linen; I don't think that was 'supposed' to happen. The body was in a coffin- the kind that's wide at the shoulders, narrow at the feet- and covered with white lace; she also had a typical colorful scarf on her head. (Neighbor ladies had washed and dressed her and then sat with her until the fun'l.)
After the service, we all went outside and the body was brought out and parked on footstools- someone had remembered that it should sit in the courtyard for 5 min, so there we stood with it. Funeral wreaths on tripod wire stands were distributed among the people there (I had one). All the wreaths had brand new cotton hankies tied on them- have no idea what for, but at the end of the whole thing, anyone carrying anything with a hankie or towel tied to it had to remove it and must keep it and 'think thoughts' of the dead when they use it...for reasons still unclear to me, I had 5 hankies/towels by the time it was all over.
So, 5 min are over- out we go to the road where there's a truck waiting. The body follows- and waits another requisite 5 min before being loaded into the back of the truck. There were 4 (I think) men carrying the coffin- they all had towels tied around their arms. Turns out the body came through the gate feet first (should have been head first) but what can you do? So, before loading it onto the truck, they got that detail figured out. The coffin lid was dutifully following the coffin around through all this. Someone discovered that the metal cross with her name and DOB/DOD on it was on the truck, too- so that got taken off and given to a man to carry- at this point, we find out that no one that is a blood relative (or her husband) can touch the wreaths, the cross or the coffin and lid. So, this man goes first with the cross, then the truck, then all the rest of us on foot- all the way to the cemetery. One lady had told me it was a LONG WAYS off- at least 40 min, maybe an hour. Seventeen min later, we were there... All things are relative.
At the cemetery, they took the body off the truck and I think it was another 5 min wait at the gate before the cross, followed by the wreaths and then the body and then the people headed in. There was a mound of earth beside the open grave- they covered it with the red cloth that had been on the coffin stand at the house- and then put the coffin there. Don't just remember everything here- the coffin lid was nailed on- 4 nails, 1 in the middle of each side and end of the coffin. Some of the men in attendance lowered it into the ground on ropes. Everyone took handfuls of earth and tossed them onto the coffin and then the men took shovels and filled the hole while we waited. At this point, someone else went around with a bowl of cooked wheat mixed with honey and poppy-seed for people to take 1 bite of. When all was finished, we took the hankies off our wreaths and they were placed by the head of the grave. Then, back we walked.
After the body was removed to the street in front of the house, the gates were shut and a wooden pole laid across them. I heard an old granny explain it this way, "So that death will never again return to this house." This barrier was removed when we got back from the cemetery. Part of this tradition includes a basin of hot water and soap- everyone who was at the grave has to wash their hands before going back onto the family's property.
After that, it was all a big feast. We had a train to catch, so ate quickly and left. Traditions vary greatly from village to village so this was the first time I'd seen some of these things.
These are some recollections. Some of it was too personal for here; some I've no doubt forgotten already. And this was a unique service anyway, since the people in general there aren't very religious. We did what we could and they did all they could remember! And, this is LOONNNGGG... tata
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