my ears hurt...from laughing

Our friend A rents out the 2 rooms above their house. A pretty normal and nice girl, Lesya and her husband rent the one; the other is let out to 2 college boys this year. Now we’ve known for awhile that all is not peaches and cream with the 2 boys.

Lesya has been complaining all fall that the smell from the boys’ room is really bad and that she gets sick to her stomach just having to go to the basin to brush her teeth (which must be in a common area). This a.m., after our time together, we got the blow-by-blow of the ‘landlady-renter’ encounter a few weeks ago. I wish I’d had a tape recorder and I wish you could all understand Ukie…because there’s no way I’ll get it down…but here goes:
A (hands on hips in tough lady stance-which she really isn’t, by the way): OK, you boys. Listen up! Apparently neither of your mothers ever taught you anything. This is your first time away from home living among people and you obviously DON’T KNOW how to do it decently. Now, I’ve been telling you EVERY SINGLE DAY for the past 2 months that there is always hot water downstairs in the bathroom and that it’s for you to use while you live here. Now, 1 of you HAS NOT HAD A BATH since you came. And it really stinks in here. I’ve never smelled anything like it. The smell from your armpits wafts out and knocks you out and the neighbor girl and her friend wrote a poem – A POEM – about your smelly feet. DID YOU KNOW THAT?! Now look here, I’ve left you alone, this is your room, I don’t bug you…but you say you have a girlfriend…how does she even stand being next to you…if it were me, why I’d be a full KILOMETER away…AT LEAST! Now I want you to RIGHT NOW get out clean clothes- right now so I can see each article- socks, yes; underwear, yes; pants, yes; shirt, yes- and I want you to go down there RIGHT NOW and bathe- not just ‘wash’…and you’re to do that once a week from NOW ON! Now, I know that you’re someone’s child and they love you and you’re a person and I don’t want to hurt your feelings or your mother’s, but this has gone on long enough. If your mother isn’t here to tell you then I will…

And, he did…right then…everything she said…and since then, every Thursday evening when she’s on her way home, she calls him and says, “Now we’ll be home in minutes- you still have the house to yourself for - get down there and bathe”… (and he does)…and furthermore, he ‘washes’ every day… (eyes wide and horrified): Do you even KNOW how badly men’s feet stink?! And 2 months with NO BATH!

I suppose once a week is downright frequent after that…

Trude and I laughed till we cried, nearly fell on the floor and my ears HURT